Who Has All The Answers To Parenting?

"Daddy. Today my friend was kissing another boy on the mouth. Boys don't kiss boys."

It's so hard covering the topic of Christian seeing his friends kiss other boys on the mouth - because after all, they're kids. Stuff happens, I guess. Even when you're that young, it's possible to still display certain fondness towards your friends, that from an adult's perspective, might seem a little 'off', to put it mildy. I mean, he tells me, "boys aren't supposed to kiss other boys, daddy." I struggle with how to respond. I mean, on one hand, alright --cool. But on the other hand, I don't want him to set him up to learn to be confused and biased towards people and have him have a negative opinion towards other's lifestyles when he's of age simply because I confirmed (or even deny) his statement. So how do I respond? Should just ignore it altogether when he makes statements like that. If he forms his own opinion, fine.

This is why it's tough to try to be a 'progressive parent.' On one hand, I ask myself how I'd feel if I saw Christian kissing a boy on the playground. I think if I saw him kissing a girl on the mouth for a prolonged period of time that I'd react the same way and stop him, but internally I have to admit that I'd feel less odd about him kissing a girl than one of his dude friends. But why? Does this make me a bad person or a hypocrite or am I just responding to how it would feel for myself and vicariously feel the same reaction through my son's actions? Maybe it's that we adults sexualize the kiss and maybe that's why it seems like more than what it is. Adults call it 'experimentation' when a child might just see it as showing their friend affection the same way we show it to them.

I remember before I had Christian I thought it odd to see parents give their young children a peck on the mouth as they departed. My family has always been close but we've never kissed our parents the same way. We hug and kiss on the cheek, but never that. Then when Christian was young, I found myself giving him a little peck on the mouth and didn't think anything of it. Only recently have I stopped doing that as much. I guess because since he's getting bigger, it seems a bit less like kissing a baby. There are a lot of gray areas in parenthood that you find yourself taking what you think is the best course of action but there are never any gaurantees in your decision having a better outcome than an alternate course. And really, each child is different so I don't think you can explain things to all children with the same broad brush. You have to adapt as much as possible to their method of understanding the world and put it in terms they can better relate to.

I believe from many parents' perspective that I may be wrong by not outright telling my son that kissing other boys is wrong, although he said himself, "boys don't kiss boys" -- but I didn't confirm or deny his statement. I was this close to going, "ACTUALLY", but I caught myself. I don't want my explanation to sway his opinion as much as confirming his thoughts would. I find myself in a position to either put my stamp of approval on something for him or to reject it. To me, morality is finding the moral median to what is just to people as a whole. That entails treating everybody with respect (as much as is possible) and not basing your appraisal of them as a person on tedious things that do not affect you.

I'm trying to place things in context This is a tender, formative time for him. A lot of the framework for who he'll become as a person can be altered significantly by what is instilled in his mind. That's not to suggest that he'll never question anything I suggest; I hope he does. I hope no matter what I try to instill in him will not always be readily accepted without first scrutinizing it. At least he'll then be using his own mind.

I don't agree with my parent's on everything - and I might consider some of their views to be archaic. But morality is subjective, so I understand this. Not everything in the world is either flat out right, or flat out wrong. Black or white. Good or bad. There are many shades of gray, and that also applies to areas of child-rearing, as I've come to learn. He's very young right now so there will come a time when he'll figure it out. But the least I can do is not plant a seed which may (or may not) evolve into hatred or prejudice. But that's hard to do without coming off as ambivalent.

It's going to take a lot of learning and relearning on my part, but the only thing that will keep me somewhat sane is realizing that in the end, children do eventually come into their own and make their own decisions either way. I can still do my best to ensure that when it comes time for him to make those decisions, my conscience will be totally clear. Hopefully.